How to Be a "Girls' Girl" in a World of Meanies
Let’s be real: navigating friendships and professional relationships as a woman can feel like walking through a minefield. You want to uplift other women, but sometimes, the world around you seems filled with competition, passive aggression, and the occasional mean girl energy. This is even harder when you work in a field that demands empathy, understanding, and grace - whether it’s social work, healthcare, education, or any other profession where emotional intelligence is key. (Basically, if your job requires you to hold in a sigh at least five times a day, this is for you.)
So, how do you stay true to your “girls' girl” nature when faced with negativity? Here are some ways to rise above and maintain your kindness, without letting the meanies drag you down.
1. Celebrate Other Women’s Successes
Jealousy is a natural human emotion, but it doesn’t have to control you. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that fostering a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity leads to greater professional and personal fulfillment. When another woman achieves something great, celebrate her. Whether it’s a promotion, a personal milestone, or even just a killer outfit - let her know. It takes nothing away from you to lift someone else up. (Trust me, her new handbag isn’t preventing you from achieving your dreams - unless, of course, she physically uses it to block your path.)
2. Be the Safe Space
Gossip and backhanded comments can be tempting, but they erode trust. Be the woman who listens without judgment, encourages without ulterior motives, and keeps things confidential. Women in demanding professions often carry invisible burdens; be the one who understands that, girly-pop. A 2020 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that women who support each other in the workplace report higher job satisfaction and lower stress levels. (And let's be honest, we all need fewer stress wrinkles.)
3. Grace Over Grudges
People will let you down. Women you thought were in your corner might betray your trust or act out of insecurity. Instead of holding onto bitterness, extend grace. This doesn’t mean you let toxic behavior slide, but it does mean you choose to move forward without carrying unnecessary resentment. By staying focused on doing excellent work, your integrity will speak louder than anyone else’s actions. And if all else fails, channel your inner Elle Woods: when Vivian tried to make her life miserable, Elle didn’t stoop to her level. Instead, she stayed focused, worked hard, and proved that kindness, intelligence, and a killer wardrobe are the ultimate revenge. (Also, karma has a way of handling these things—so sit back and let the universe do its thing.)
4. Set the Tone for Kindness
Your energy is contagious. In environments where negativity thrives, be the woman who sets the tone for kindness and camaraderie. Compliment freely, offer support, and be the first to extend an olive branch in tense situations. Studies in positive psychology show that acts of kindness trigger a release of serotonin, which not only benefits the recipient but also boosts your own mood and well-being. (Science basically says being nice makes you happier—who knew?)
5. Boundaries Are Key
Being a girls' girl doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can be kind and supportive while still enforcing boundaries. If someone consistently drains you or treats you poorly, it’s okay to step back. Loving and supporting other women starts with loving and supporting yourself first. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability and boundaries emphasizes that “clear is kind” - meaning that setting firm, respectful boundaries leads to healthier relationships. (In other words, you can say “no” without turning into a villain in someone’s personal drama.)
6. Lead with Empathy, But Don’t Absorb Negativity
If you work in a field that requires a high level of emotional labor, you know how easy it is to take on the stress of others. While empathy is a gift, protect your own mental well-being. Be a support system, but don’t let yourself become emotionally depleted by other people’s toxicity. One way to do this is by practicing “compassionate detachment”, a mindfulness strategy that allows you to care for others without internalizing their struggles. (Basically, be kind—but don’t let their bad vibes move in and start redecorating your mental space.)
7. Find (and Be) Your Tribe
Surround yourself with women who embody the values you cherish. Find those who inspire, encourage, and challenge you in the best ways. And be that woman for others. A strong, supportive network makes all the difference when the world tries to pull you down. A Harvard Business Review study found that women with a close-knit group of female peers were more likely to land executive roles and experience career growth. (Also, let’s be real—life’s just more fun when you have good people to send memes to at 2 AM.)
8. Redefine Strength
The strongest women aren’t the ones who claw their way to the top at the expense of others. True strength is found in compassion, resilience, and the ability to lift others as you climb. Be the woman who leads with love and authenticity. (Because honestly, tearing others down is exhausting - and who has time for that when there’s coffee to drink, empires to build, and babies to raise?)
9. Support Even When It’s Hard
Sometimes, the very women you want to support may try to tear you down. It can be difficult to remain kind when someone is acting out of jealousy, insecurity, or past hurt. Here’s how you can support even in tough situations:
Stay Professional: If a colleague undermines you, rise above it. Continue doing excellent work and maintain your integrity.
Offer Kindness Without Expectation: Sometimes, people lash out because they’re struggling internally. A simple kind word, even when undeserved, can be a game-changer.
Recognize Their Strengths: Instead of responding with defensiveness, acknowledge their skills or contributions. This can disarm hostility and shift the dynamic.
Be the Bigger Person: If someone tries to drag you into negativity, disengage. Protect your peace while still leading with grace.
Encourage Growth: If appropriate, offer guidance or a chance to mend fences. Sometimes, extending an opportunity for mutual understanding can repair relationships.
10. Shine Without Burning Out
Being a light for others doesn’t mean draining yourself. Here’s how to support others while maintaining your own well-being:
Prioritize Self-Care: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Ensure you take time to recharge mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Set Limits on Emotional Labor: It’s okay to say no or step back when you need to. Supporting others should never come at the expense of your health.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: While you may encounter negativity, make sure you also have people in your life who refill your energy and remind you of your worth.
Know When to Walk Away: Not everyone will appreciate your kindness. Recognizing when to let go of toxic relationships will help you protect your peace.
Find Joy in Giving, but Also Receiving: Allow yourself to be supported, too. Lean on your tribe and accept kindness when it’s offered.
In a world that sometimes feels harsh, choose to be the light. Being a girls' girl isn’t about blindly supporting every woman you meet, it’s about fostering an environment where women feel safe, valued, and empowered. And when you do that, you’ll find that the mean girls and negativity hold a lot less power over you. Not everyone deserves access to your energy, and that’s okay. As Elle Woods said, “You must always have faith in people. And most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.”
So go forth, uplift others, and always remember: the best kind of power move is one that leaves the door open for others to walk through with you.
Until next time,